I’m utterly frustrated.  I started this so I could write shit down.  Be vulnerable in a way.  Clarify things.  But it is not working.  I write shit down and STILL get misunderstood.  The things comment felt like a jab.  I never said you were a bully.  I never said anything bout YOU per se.  Just giving background.  But yet you took it as I was saying you were co-dependent.  You were my father.  You were not worthy.  You are wrong for this, that or the other.  That was so not the case!  I never said any of that.  I have always told you how amazing and brilliant and wonderful you are.  So this is obviously not working.  This is my last journal.

I never said you sleeping with Joey hurt me.  It did not.  I just said I had feels about it.  I did not want to take a break from talking with you because you slept with her.  I just need to clear my head.  I said that same thing multiple times.  Where is the inconsistency in that?  You make me feel crazy.

And because I am taking time that means you are not important to me?  You are not a Gawd this feels gross and yucky.  If there is only friction and no lube, that is the universe telling me to change direction.  NO, I AM NOT SAYING GOODBYE.  I just cannot write here anymore.  Please take me off your notifications too.  I will keep reading your journals, like I have been doing from the beginning and multiple times, but I need to do it on my timeline.

Keep doing what you are doing.  Keep walking your path.  Just because I am not there holding your hand does not mean you are not important or I have different value hierarchies.  I am a priority!  That does not make you are not a backup plan.  We are not together.  I am doing all this so I do not fuck up again.  All this is just getting psychobabbled to death.  I am done here.